If my 18-year old self could see me today he'd be altogether disappointed, except for one thing: the cherubic locks of hair that grace my head. Coming from a family with baldness on both sides of the aisle, I agonized over the seeming inevitability of my beautiful physique being desecrated by a bald head. I spent years searching for a shampoo befitting my lofty, hair-based ambitions, and was perennially disappointed until the Fall of '21 when I discovered the Conscia Fortify Lapis Shampoo. Within the first few months, I noticed my thinning hair begin to thicken, and the follicles that grew back felt silky and soft, as if my hair had taken on the texture of the finest cashmere. I felt re-born, a phoenix rising from the ashes. Soon, I began to fly through life, armed with the hair of the Gods and a renewed vigor. To whomever the creators of this amazing product are: by saving my hair, you saved my life. Thank you.